


I'm Not His Mother

by Entropeutic



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, First Fanfiction, Fluff, Jasper Redemption (Steven Universe), Pearl is a mom with a volatile teenager I guess, Post-Episode: s06e10 Prickly Pair, at the end, dealing with somewhat heavy matters of self-harming bahviours, ive literally never done this before ahhhh, slowish burning, there's a kiss, thru fighting mostly from steven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22309024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entropeutic/pseuds/Entropeutic
Summary: Steven is not doing so hot and Pearl is trying to keep it together. Jasper doesn't realize she's making it worse. How do you help someone determined to push you away?
Relationships: Jasper/Pearl (Steven Universe)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so Steven engages in some self-destructive behaviour and I describe injuries and a little bit of blood. None of it is ACTUALLY technically self-inflicted in the regular sense but he's still making it happen on purpose. If you're not a fan of those situations of any kind I wouldn't recommend reading. Bear in mind, most of the perspective comes from Pearl as a parental figure and that can be messy. Just covering all the bases since I've never done this before aha. Its still ultimately about Jasper and Pearl and I might add more chapters later!

Pearl hummed to herself softly as she went through the usual motions of cleaning the kitchen. When Steven was still up early to run Little Homeschool she often would sweep by to do his dishes and wash all his smoothie residue from the counter. Poor kid was always in a rush. It reminded her of her sudden return to shapeshifting and couldn't stop a proud smile from splitting across her face. Perhaps the slightest touch of icy blue hue tinged the pale ivory of her cheeks. Some things, at least, were getting better.  
In Steven's 'retirement' he had been taking much more care to clean up after himself. Still, there was always something Pearl could find that could stand to be a little more tidy, perhaps shine a little brighter.  
Speaking of the devil; the front door swung open and Steven stumbled in. Pearl jerked into high alert as he groaned. Bruises covered his face and his pink jacket sported a few tears, a glistening streak of blood ran from his nose to his mouth as well.  
"Steven!?"  
Pearl leapt over as the teenager flopped onto the couch, exhausted.  
"What?" he complained, not even looking up. Dark curls fell into his puffy, swollen eyes. His lack of fear sharply contrasted Pearl's battle stance. The white gem faltered.

"What happened to you? Is... Bluebird back?" She forced herself to relax some. There was obviously not much of a threat if Steven was that unconcerned. Garnet hadn't rushed in from God-knows-where either. Usually a good sign there was no danger.

"Nah," Steven sniffed and wiped his nose. He noticed the blood and studied it with strange fascination.  
"Just been wrestling."  
He licked his finger and tapped his nose. The blood ceased. Again he licked and touched his face, clearing bruises in its wake. Like a cat. Cat Steven was napping on top of the television but glared at Pearl with an accusing blue eye as if she knew her likeliness was being summoned.  
Steven moved to fixing the ugly rips in his jacket. The healing powers did wonders to fade the black eyes but did not remove the even darker bags under his eyes.  
Steven was obviously worn out. It was not the time for accusations.

"Wrestling? Has Amethyst been rough?" Pearl asked gently and she tsked, "I asked the Quartz's to be gentle with you-."

Her concern garnered the opposite effect in the boy she'd know since birth.

"That's the freaking problem!" Steven snapped, "I can't get a good, fair fight anywhere because you- you keep babying me!"

Pearl was taken aback. She couldn't say she wasn't expecting it though. Steven had been a broiling volcano for months. Any prod was a hot, toxic break of gas. The gems had to hold their breathes for fear he'd really blow up.

"Steven, preventing you from hurting yourself over and over again isn't... babying," Pearl tried. She kept her tone even. It was not the time to break down but she felt her resolve buckling. It had to have been the third out-burst that week.

 _-Hold it together. Hold it Pearl!-_ She scolded herself.

"Then what is it, huh? I can't get a good sparring in anymore? I'm too 'fragile' and people have to be 'careful' with my poor emotions huh? I'm just so- so-"  
Steven's face was distorted in anger. He was on his feet, fists balled tight. A glow surfaced in those dark bags, that dangerous, dangerous omen.

_-Christ. Here we go, brace for it Pearl-_

He must have seen the glimmer of tears just barely swimming in her pupil-less watery eyes.  
The pink gathering at his cheeks dissipated and he stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"Whatever. Whatever!"  
He seemed to yell this at himself before calming and addressing the gem carefully standing still before him. She was afraid if she moved or spoke she'd shatter.

"Whatever. I found someone who _will_ actually fight me," he waved his hand in bitter dismissal, "I'm sorry for upsetting you Pearl."  
He didn't sound very sorry to Pearl but there was unmistakable flash of shame in his expression. Shame he was impatient. Not as kind as he'd been before. Changed. He had changed beyond recognition at times.

The boy withdrew up the stairs in a hurry. The ancient gem did not move until she heard the tell-tale muffled sound of Steven's television in his room beeping the cheery boot-up of a video game.  
Finally she collapsed, over her knees. She held in her tears and arranged herself before standing again. Composed.  
There was only one gem Steven could convince to really beat him up. One Pearl had not talked to ever. The horror stories from Lapis Lazuli painted her consciousness with horrible scenarios but she needed to help Steven. Even if he didn't want it. He had to stop hurting himself.

-

Jasper poked her knuckles glumly. The setting sun painted the ocean a sparkling orange. Like herself. Orange... and green like the shifting sea in the day. The reminder curled her lip in anger. Dying light reflected off sharpened incisors.  
The huge quartz's daily habit always ended with her sitting on top of her cave dwelling, glaring at the sunset. It was pretty but she would never admit that to anyone.  
Especially not to Ro- Steven. His name was still strange to say. His visits for the past few months started with trying to convince her to join his school. To try something new. It always ended in a fight that thrilled Jasper and brightened her day. He was an excellent opponent and maybe kind of fun. He cared about her, she was a part of his routine. She was worth something to him and he started to feel like a friend.  
But.  
Recently all he'd done was show up. He'd wait. Just outside the cave where the grass was regrowing. No pleading. Jasper hit first and he'd fight back for a little bit at least. But then he'd let her hit him again and again. Limp as a rag doll.  
It was satisfying the first time but something twinged in Jasper. There was nothing she loved more than winning but this was... sad?  
What happened? She had asked in a casual way before as to why he hadn't tried preaching to her again.  
"I'd be a hypocrite," Steven answered glumly, floating with his fists balled. Three fingers were purple, swollen and broken, "I've quit teaching. I've given up. Just like you."

"Just like me?" Jasper laughed cruelly for show but it was true. It cut deeply. She let the flash of anger fuel a vicious punch that buried Steven into the ground.  
After that they didn't speak. When it was over she watched him tiredly go through the motions of healing the organic life they wrecked. He always walked away without healing himself. Never himself. Not even when an arm hung, dislocated. Not even with a snapped ankle. He'd limp around pathetically. It was hard to look at for longer than a few moments.

Back in the present, Jasper looked at her knuckles again. Things of destruction. She couldn't heal her messes like Steven could. Just dig a deeper and deeper hole. No going back as confirmed by the green-blue splotches and uneven horns sprouting through her hair.  
A growling sigh rumbled from deep within and she let the dying warmth roll off her face. It reflected off her nose gem and made her squint at the brightness.  
The world dimmed soon enough to allow the domain of the stars and a full moon in the darkness. Jasper sunk deeper into her own pit of despair.  
"Jasper?"

A clear, professional voice rang through the sounds of night creatures. It resonated through Jasper's mind like a flute. Pretty, but not welcome.  
The pearl. Of course.

"What do you want?" She growled angrily.

"It's... it's about Steven."

"What? Going to bubble me for roughing up your precious Rose?" Jasper bit back sarcastically.

Pearl rolled her eyes. What did she expect?

"No. I trust you to listen to me-"

Jasper felt like playing rude. She got up stiffly and leapt from her perch, landing heavily in front of the Pearl.  
She stood to her full height and towered over her. They were several heads apart in stature but that never phased Pearl. She still stood with an iron spine. Jasper was reminded of just how extraordinary this pearl was. A masterpiece of manufacturing. Her skin glimmered in the moonlight a pale sheen that reflected all the colours. The barest hint of blue freckles spattered across an elegant nose. Her gem was perfectly framed by peachy hair that reminded Jasper of the sandy dunes she was born from in a pink dawn. She always admired the graceful, thin figure of the pearls, the fact this one was equally strong only thrilled her.  
Pearl studied Jasper in return. She marvelled that yes indeed, this was the best of a harvest. Carved, perfect musculature. It was visible even under her uniform of the sheer brute strength this gem owned. She cringed in imagining Steven at the mercy of those huge fists. The corruption may have taken away any traditional homeward standard of a 'good looking' quartz but her horns just added a quirkiness to her appearance Pearl found endearing. This was a different Jasper than the one that first arrived on the beach so long ago. Her golden cat-like eyes flashed in annoyance.  
"Well?" she huffed, hoping the dimness hid a rusty blush she felt rise to her chiseled cheeks.

Pearl was reminded of her task and played with the edge of her jacket.  
"I know Steven goes to you to fight. You haven't done anything wrong, but you have to stop."

"Still trying to be that tough knight taking on all your stupid diamond's enemies?" Jasper mocked.

"No!" Pearl snapped, her eyes were fiery with conviction.  
"Because he's doing this to hurt himself! On purpose! It's not- it's making us concerned. Including his father. I don't know what to do to help him but ask you to- to make sure you aren't letting this continue."

"Why should I help that runt?" Jasper growled. Of course Steven had people who loved and cared for him that much. Why should she sacrifice the little satisfaction she got from taking out her anger on him?  
"Way I see it, we're already helping each other let off steam," she suggested.

Pearl shook her head and hugged herself.  
"Jasper... he's using you-"

Those words triggered a guttural, animal fear. Without thinking Jasper formed her helmet and rammed Pearl into a tree.  
"I am NOT BEING USED," she roared. Her chest heaved in panic. Never again. She promised herself she'd never ever be used by anyone else-

"YES YOU ARE!"  
Pearl was angry and frustrated. The hit left her ears ringing. With a flourish she drew a spear and faced off against the quartz. They clashed with sparks of light.  
"Steven- huff- is using you- huff- to hurt himself!" Pearl emphasized every word with a swing Jasper had to dodge quickly.

"I don't care," Jasper growled, "I do what I want!" She tried to grab the lithe figure but the pearl was faster and slipped from her grip, knocking her arms aside with a painful whip of her spear.

"Then you're using him too!" Pearl seethed through her teeth. Her composure was breaking. Fracturing. Fragile.

"So what? Maybe he just wants to be left alone! I do!" Jasper swiped at Pearl again and this time successfully knocked her down. She was about to bring a fist up to finish her up but stopped as a sob rose up from the ground.  
Jasper paused her attack at the sight of the renegade pearl curled up, wracked with cries.

Pearl hadn't cried that hard since Rose gave up her form. Huge, wet tears welled out of her eyes, blinding her. She rocked back and forth, deaf to the world. Steven. Steven alone. All alone. Would he disappear too one day? Slip out of grasp and would she have to start again? Learn to love all over again? She wouldn't ever stop blaming herself. But that's what he hated right? Feeling like he needed to be careful with her in turn because of the complicated feelings tied with the damn gemstone that kept him alive? She was not his mother and she wished sorely Rose was there to help her. Even for just a moment; to ask if she was doing the right thing for her son. Pearl curled up tighter and Jasper was at a complete loss of what to do.  
The small white gem shook, muttering to herself.

"H-how can I help?" Jasper finally found words, crouching next to Pearl.

"I don't even know if _I'm_ helping," Pearl gasped, sobbing hard again, "I certainly haven't helped you by bringing... by bringing up Mal-"

"Oh shhh," Jasper tried to console and push down the panic, "it can't be bad it's... out of love?" She cringed but Pearl seemed to calm slightly. She took it as a cue she had the right idea.  
"I just... I just don't know the difference between helping and using. I guess," she admitted in shame.

Pearl sniffed heavily and looked up with big eyes.  
"Thank you," she managed hoarsely. Pearl arranged herself to her knees and cleared her throat. Her face was a mess but she ignored it.

"Uh. You're welcome," Jasper mumbled, plopping into a criss-cross.

"Using is only doing for something if you get something in return," Pearl sniffed again, gathering words, "helping is doing something for someone regardless what you may or may not get in return because it's the right thing to do."

Jasper nodded. It was insane to think of being so naive and selfless. But maybe that was how Steven had so many people caring for him. Not because they were indebted... but because he was... good. Just good.

"Ok. So... so I should tell him I won't fight and hurt him. Even though he wants it for 'practice'... and it makes me feel a part of something... because it will help him?"

Pearl nodded, relieved the quartz was getting it.  
"I think that's right. It would be great if you'd do that Jasper. He might..."  
Fresh tears rolled down her face as she gripped her mouth. Instinct. She peeled her fingers away.  
"He might get very angry. Please... please just keep saying no. If it's out of hand, come find us-"

"That bad huh," Jasper noted. The anguish in Pearl's eyes was clear as day.

Pearl didn't know why she then began to spill everything. All her fear and worry about Steven with his outbursts. How they were getting more and more dangerous, how Pink Pearl shared just how destructive Pink Diamond was when she threw a tantrum.  
Jasper took it in. She felt- she felt apart of Pearl's world.  
"I'm so sorry for- I'm so sorry for dumping all that."

"No. No, that's ok," Jasper instinctively took Pearl's hand.  
"I... I'm glad to have the background, I guess," she admitted gruffly, "I should have realized sooner he was just letting me beat the shit out of him-"

Pearl gasped.  
"He did?"

Jasper cowered and withdrew her hand.  
"Yeah. I'm sorry Pearl-"

She started to laugh, hysterically. Yet another sudden outburst of emotion Jasper did not know how to handle.  
"Oh my god!! He's really- he's really gotten bad-"

Jasper fiddled with her thumbs.  
"I promise he won't get worse by my- by me."

Pearl calmed more, taking a deep, long breath. She slumped in exhaustion.  
"You're right Jasper. Thank you... thank you for listening. I was worried you wouldn't."

"I wasn't going to," Jasper admitted, "until I saw how much it affected you. I never really thought of how... how you treat other people kind of impacts everyone else too."

"Oh Jasper," Pearl took her broad square jaw between long graceful fingers, "you've been hurt for a long time too. You really didn't realize?"

"I'm fine," Jasper insisted. The gesture flustered her. Because of her size and stature she had always felt too big and clumsy for such careful movements and yet Pearl easily held her face as if she were a work of art.

The white gem shook her head and stared into her eyes. She was so beautiful in the moonlight.  
"No. I can see it."

The quartz hardly knew what was going on until Pearl's lips were on hers. Gentle, a question. Jasper answered with enthusiasm.  
Pearl broke away, face flushed bright blue. Jasper's mirrored in rusty red.

"I'll... I'll come see you tomorrow. Since- since you aren't fighting Steven anymore someone should give you company-" Pearl stammered, suddenly unsure of what to do with herself.

Jasper only nodded as Pearl slipped away down the hill, back to her own realm.

The pearl smiled to herself as she walked, suddenly less alone with the weight of her dread. Hope flickered.

The quartz touched her lips with her sharp claws.  
Did... did she just do something good?


	2. The Next Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The showdown and the difficult denial of a bad habit. Jasper tells Steven no and he's got a few things to say about that. They are not fun things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has a little to some descriptions of bodily harm but less than the first so if you liked the first part this one'll be fine. Shorter too!! I just wanted to wrap it up nice and simple.

Jasper ran. There was not a single a time she could remember physically fleeing from a fight. Sure, she had run from all myriads of problems but for the first time she was taking one of those face on- by running away.

Pearl was right. Steven was not happy. The whole scenario played out in Jasper's head as she sprinted through trees. Her chest heaved, nose gem itching to form her helmet and face the boy. It took all her willpower to just keep moving.

-

"I'm not fighting you today," Jasper had announced casually when Steven arrived on schedule. She let him stand for a good long while, hoping he'd give up and leave. Steven didn't get as far as he did in life without a thick thread of stubbornness. He stayed until the sun set. She hadn't noticed the quiet rage shaking in the teenager. Every passing minute deprived him of his fix.

"That's rich! That's really rich Jasper!" Steven finally shouted back. His fists were tight balls again, "You were the one who wouldn't turn down a chance to fight and win!"

"I'm- I know," Jasper softened. She jumped down and faced Steven. She was finally starting to see him as Pearl did. Lost. Vulnerable.  
Why the hell did she agree to beat up this kid every day?  
"I-I think you should win today," Jasper tried, shrugging. It hurt her pride to say it, but not as much as she thought it would.

"Oh my god," Steven snorted and erupted into mocking laughter, "oh my fucking god!"  
He grabbed his face with his hands. This was not like Pearl's breakdown. The kid was coming unhinged.  
Jasper took a step back. Normally this would be the most exciting part. The build up to battle. Instead she was calculating how long it would take for her to sprint to the temple.  
"Steven..."

"You're even using my GOD damn name," he roared, "I let you beat the shit out of me to HELP you for God's sake. So you could win and stay happy! To pay- to pay for my mother's mistakes-"

"Well. I've had enough. You should go home Steven," Jasper felt immeasurably guilty, backing up further, "I'm-"

"Oh no. You're NOT leaving-" Steven pulled his hands away from his face slowly. Wind picked up as he floated from the ground, glowing a bright, brilliant pink.  
"Did _Pearl_ turn you into a babysitter for me too?"

Jasper didn't like the way he said Pearl's name. Speaking of which, it was clearly getting out of hand. Steven was baiting her to fight him again to get what he wanted.

"I was using you Steven!" Jasper shouted over the wind. Her rough voice cracked as she said it, "I want to stop using people like-"

"Like you used Lapis? And Peridot? That's the fucking point! You're a user- so I'm here to protect everyone else from you! Are you using Pearl now? She's always had a thing for big Quartz's you know-"

"Shut up!" Jasper roared. Her face was flushed in deep rusty red. The fact he questioned the nature of their interaction hurt deeper than anything. Did Pearl only kiss her to make sure she did what she asked? God- she was really tempted to punch this kid. He knew how to push buttons when he wanted to.

"You're a bully Jasper! You've always been a bully! I've been coming here for _months_ begging you to just _try_ something new and get out of your cave- then- then ONE visit from _Pearl_ changes that? Did she _fuse_ with you to make you feel worth something again?"

"You should be grateful she cares about you Steven!" Jasper felt rubbed raw. Her anger felt different this time as he didn't only question Jasper's temptations but Pearl's as well. It was unfair, "no one _ever_ worried about me like she worries about you-"

"I don't need _any_ of her concern! I'm supposed to be the one who's holding it together! Holding you back from hurting another gem- holding Pearl together-"  
Steven was crying. Tears streamed down his face and they glimmering in sparkling fuchsia light as they slid down his cheeks. In the dying sun it refracted against the darkening sky. Beautiful, but terrifying.   
Talking was helping nobody at this rate. Jasper grit her teeth and ran.

So, there she was, crashing through the underbrush. The thick hairs at the back of her head stood up, already stiff in response to stress.  
She ducked and a razor sharp shield ripped just inches from where she was moments before. It embedded itself into a large pine ahead, splintering the wood on impact before sparkling out of existence. That alone would have been enough to poof the Quartz. Jasper took that as her cue to move her legs a little faster.  
Before she could burst out of a clearing and onto the the stretch of cliff to the temple she was pushed back by a shock wave of energy that dropped her on her ass. Steven had landed. His angry tears still run in uncontrollable streams over illuminated cheeks. He was no longer harmlessly human and Jasper knew this power well from their previous spars. Although this was much more than the quartz had been able to witness. Obviously his emotions fuelled the pink states of absolute power- Jasper could put that together at least as he raged. It was terrifying how softly he landed in the grass compared to the pulsing energy at his fists. She noted dully his fingers were blue and purple already. He'd broken them from clenching so hard.  
"You're not going anywhere," he seethed, pointing with a swollen digit.

Jasper scrambled backwards. Even if she wanted to fight this... monster she would never win.   
- _Is this how it all ends?-_ Jasper thought to herself as Steven drifted closer. His flip flops didn't make a sound as he hovered a couple centimetres over pink-bathed blades of grass.

"Steven. That's enough."  
Garnet was calm. Stiff. She marched over from the edge of the clearing.

The perma-fusion cooly placed herself in a wide stance, arms crossed in front of Jasper. Her reflective glasses revealed no emotion.  
Amethyst rolled over as well, whip out and readied as she gave Jasper a nervous glance before taking stride beside Garnet.

"Jasper!" Pearl pattered up and knelt beside the quartz, "are you ok? I'm so sorry-"

Steven was watching the crystal gems with wide, unbelieving eyes. He seemed to dim and lowered to the ground.

"Why- why are you protecting her?" he demanded, "she's called you names Amethyst- she's split you apart Garnet! And Pearl! I've seen your nightmares-"

Pearl cringed and Jasper met her eyes only briefly before the pale gem avoided them.  
Pearl had nightmares about her? Oh god.

"We've established that gems change Steven," Garnet pressed, "That's what Little Homeworld is all about. Now. Stand. Down."

"Not her- not that _beast_ ," Steven only glowed brighter, "I stayed still while she knocked my teeth out! While she broke my arms! And laughed!"

It was Jasper's turn to cringe and clench her fists in the grass.  
"Yeah? Well," Amethyst spoke up, "you both messed up. Sure. We all have Steven. Let's just talk it out dude, she's not hitting you now-"

"That's the point!" Steven roared, "if she's not hitting me Jasper's going to hurt someone else, that's how it works! Let me help you and finish her-"

Jasper rubbed her arm. She hated feeling helpless and deep down maybe Steven was right. She thought Steven was a friend but really she was just hurting him like everyone else.

"That's not true Steven," Pearl said softly, standing up and taking the other side of Garnet, "and you know it's not true."

Steven glared at Pearl. Resentful.  
"You're too sympathetic to the monsters. Like my mother. Like Jasper. They're going to destroy you one day. You're a slave to them."

Pearl faltered but stayed on her feet. Garnet summoned her gauntlets but Pearl put a hand on her arm to stop her.  
"You don't mean that Steven. Remember..." Pearl took a deep shaky breath, "remember when we used to tell _you_ that? You didn't even know what the whole story was, but you convinced us to befriend centipeedle. To give Peridot a chance. To _talk_ to the freaking _diamonds_ Steven!" Pearl sniffed and sank to her knees, "I was so ready to give up when you never did. And now- now even Jasper wants to be better and you won't have it. Nothing was ever a monster to you before."  
The light faded and Steven's shame replaced the fury on his face. Dimmer, dimmer. In the absence of the pink brilliance everything was dull and faded, including the boy. He sank to his knees with tears freely flowing.  
"That was when I- I- had all my friends. When I had all the answers," he sobbed and gripped his face with swollen fingers. Amethyst and Garnet disarmed immediately to rush over.  
Pearl stayed by Jasper, frozen.  
"It's ok Steven," Garnet said softly, picking him up easily, "maybe it's time to be the one with questions."  
The fusion dutifully marched him towards home. The shorter gem faced the pair of gems still on the ground awkwardly.  
"We'll take him back P," Amethyst shrugged, "take care of my sis."  
The purple gem was clearly shaken but she hid it with casual finger guns and scampered after Garnet. Steven was in a tried daze and Pearl trusted he'd get home to his bed. They'd have to call Greg tomorrow. He needed a human touch.

"You... had nightmares about me?" Jasper asked gingerly, sitting up. She kept her distance though.

Pearl wiped the second round of tears and snot from her face.  
"I did. I was afraid of what you were doing out loose like that. It was just the stress of a looming threat is all, you just happened to be a part of it," she laughed dully, "all over now. I never knew the next thing to give me nightmares would be Steven."

"I'm so sorry. Maybe I should go somewhere far away-"

Pearl was at her side, grabbing her hand in the blink of an eye.  
"Jasper no! I- I don't want you to leave-"

"So you didn't kiss me just to convince me to stop Steven sparring?" Jasper asked dumbly, glaring at the elegant fingers curled over her spotted skin.

"Of course- of course not," Pearl half squawked, that pretty blue flush covering her cheeks again.  
Jasper chuckled at her reaction. She laid back and Pearl followed. They watched the stars for a moment.  
"You know. As shitty as it was..." Jasper trailed off.  
Pearl faced her patiently. Jasper turned her head and her gem bumped Pearl's nose.

"Oh-" Pearl laughed and so did Jasper, flushing rust herself.

"Ah- I felt loved. I though I'd be shattered right then and there," Jasper finally admitted, staring back at the void of lights, "but then you guys were there. For me. Even though I've done nothing but call you names and split you apart," Jasper finished bitterly.

"That's the thing Jasper," Pearl sighed, "we wanted to help you. So that's what we did."

"Thank you."  
Her rough voice was barely above a whisper. The pearl smiled knowingly and Jasper felt nimble fingers entangle tighter around her own. Despite how big and calloused they were in comparison, they seemed to fit just right together.

"Was I at least really attractive in your nightmares?" Jasper attempted to joke, letting a smirk crawl on her face.  
Pearl flushed deeper.  
"Well, you are very striking in my dreams now..."

Jasper turned so they faced each other again and this time she closed the gap. It was a long sweet kiss. The kind she'd never gotten to experience. It lasted all night. Refuge from the storm raging in the boy that was irreparably entangled in all things.  
He had his escape, Pearl and Jasper had their own to heal. Only time would tell what scars would be left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think part of what I wanted to do here was to analyze how Steven is breaking down. Future just took such a crazy dark turn I find it heart-breaking and fascinating. I wanted ply with how empathy and being an empath can be used for wrong. Since its emotions all tied together there's a dynamic here. Steven believed he should suffer, he sensed Japer's insecurities and instead of helping, reflected his own state of mind and tried to tear her down with him.   
> Even in the show's canon I can see this foil between Jasper and Steven kind of showing up. It was smart to put their episode first and watch as Steven descends into a similar spiral of being unable to change what you have felt as your life's purpose when the world changes around you.   
> Anyways, now that this is out of the way, I'm brewing up a human AU in my drafts somewhere so I don't feel like i'm weighing down my ships with canon fodder to wade through lmao. Also. Human AUs for the gems are just all cute as hell.

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic ever published! Let me know if you enjoyed it or if there's anything I can improve on. Thank you so much for reading my angst fest.


End file.
